Happily Ever After: The Reality Beyond The Dream
To want to love and be loved is the yearning of a human heart. Can you say Hallmark with me? I mean, just look at the movie industry, and the success rate of rom-coms. Each one has the same template, with the end result being blissful happiness and togetherness.
We look for the one we want to spend our entire lives with and enter into the covenant of marriage. Never mind how progressive this generation seems to be, there is still the dream of ‘happily ever after’ as we take our marriage vows.
Marriage takes so much more than just wishing for ‘happily ever after’ to go the distance. It is actually one of the most challenging things that we can commit ourselves to, especially since we are committing to ‘till death do us part’. It is being willing to risk your heart and meld it with another’s, trusting you both will do whatever it takes to be one.
Sadly, our culture is full of broken marriage covenants. There are many reasons, and some are wanted, some are not. I think the most detrimental thing, though, is that we have grown so accustomed to divorce, we have lost sight of the damage of it.
The honest truth is that divorce is a wrecking ball. In my experience and observation, divorce does great damage to all involved, and it becomes a tidal wave that affects all the supporting cast of the family and close friends. It’s never truly ‘amicable’.
The reason for this is that when we marry, we are not just changing our names, changing our address, changing our facebook status. We are two becoming one, just as the Bible says- multiple times! (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6 and Ephesians 5:31 are just a few scriptures to take a look at). Matthew 19:6 ends with, “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together”.
Here is a list of just some of the affected outcome of divorce that I have experienced-
What Happens In Divorce
Divorce creates a situation where you can feel as if you have lost your identity.
Divorce is the tearing apart of two spiritual beings who became one.
Divorce never affects just the two individuals divorcing. It affects children, family and friends, just to name the top few
Divorce can bring at times good changes, and at other times devastation to friendships and other relationships not related to a spouse.
I have yet to see where divorce is all one person’s fault
It’s easy to hang on to divorce and make it the sheepgoat for all your problems and validate your staying stuck.
Divorce is an opportunity to get to know yourself well. This is a huge opportunity to take advantage of this and become your best friend.
Divorce takes a tremendous amount of emotional energy. You may find you are not able to fire on all usual pistons, and it may be more difficult to make healthy decisions.
Divorce can change the economic placement of one or both parties involved, which will also affect any children in the relationship. It can be a very rude awakening when funds are not flowing the way we are used to having them available.
Divorce affects our traditions, our holidays, our annual vacations. The devastation of these losses and the changes that follow are not always realized until after the fact, especially if you are a family deeply rooted in traditions.
Divorce is isolating. It will take intentional effort to engage and rebuild your community. It’s a time to let go of your pride and expectations and press into a community that might look different then what you are used to.
Just because divorce is widely spread in our nation, that does not make it something to be taken lightly. It is a world changer for all involved, especially if you have been married for quite some time.
In many ways, divorce is like death.
God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16). He knows how damaging it is, to the individuals, the families, the friends, the culture.
Some of us couldn’t stop divorce from happening. Some of us didn’t know better. Some of us were in unsafe situations. It doesn’t matter why, God hates it.
Here is the good news, though. God is a God of redemption, and relationships are His specialty. In fact, building relationships with God and his people are good beginning to healing. Finding a community to be a part of that is healthy and loving are critical to healing.
God is the God of transitions and reconciliation. The truth of His word is covered by the grace of His love for you.
Let me encourage you right now. If you find yourself relating to any part of this, please know that you are loved and there is medicine for your heart, for your family’s heart available to you. Jesus made sure to provide that. When walking with Jesus, we have the Holy Spirit available to us. His guidance, His provision, His love, His protection. He is truly the God of reconciliation,
Here is another encouragement. The Lord wants you to be free and move forward into all that He has planned for you. He provides all we need to heal and move forward in the purpose He has for us.
I would love to hear from you, and if you find you have transitions you are stuck on and would like some help, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’ve been there. Done that. I can help. Click here to go to my contact page, or to fill out an application to work with me click here.